Jan 7: realising growth…. Or not?

An ex boyfriend told me some years ago that I was a “plain Jane”.Hiss precise words were “sorry to say, but that first night I met you you weren’t that good looking, just a plain Jane”

Now I AM an arrogant show off, in the nicest possible way (more on that later on the year) but I’d always been quite sure of my level of prettiness. Sure I’m no Angelina Jolie,but I’d put myself as a 7. Great legs that go all the way up to here, enchanting eyes  (you see the show off coming thru at this pint) lovely thick hair and cracking breasts.

Why you askis any of this of interest? I’m getting there!

Today I showed off a new hair do to same ex, along with comment of feeling pretty and feminine, an unusual feeling for me having spent a significant portion of 2011 in Lycra training for Ironman (not much call for makeup and curling tongs on a 7 hour bike ride at 6am in the rain). His response blew me sideways “you’ve always been very feminine and girlie” Excuse me! When I reminded him of previous comment he denied ever saying it with “I’d never say that about you”.

Now this is where I realised that no matter the personal development, clearing work and “arrogant show off” a careless comment about my appearance from a then loved one cut me to my core.

So much so that I had to call him after I’d left just to check something :

Me “so just to confirm, you don’t think I’m a Plain Jane?”

Him “no”

Me: “so you’ve never thought that?”

Him “no”

Me: “So you do you actually think I’m good looking then ?”

Him “Yes, that’s what I said isn’t it?”

Well actually no, not til then, not ever! And then I cried. I realized that the lack of  verbal validation, no offered compliment has tainted that relationship always.

And tainted my view on myself for all that time.

And I think of myself as “progressed”. What then for those unsure women, the unconfident? Just look at a magazine rack to see the source.

Love yourself, your size your shape, your type, your sticky out wobbly bits. Hear it from me ” wow you look amazing today”!

Brought to you by espradille wedges: Elegance in a beach setting